52 Weeks

1 year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 366 days (leap year in 2012, so I get an extra day!) to get off my ass and do something. Finally do something for myself -- not anyone else.

To lose 1 pound each week for the next year would knock off 52 pounds. To get to my goal weight I need to lose 145 pounds. In about 3 years I could lose and HOPEFULLY keep off that weight. 3 years, that's 156 weeks -- seems like a good amount of time to lose that weight. It seems like a reasonable amount of time to lose and keep off weight.

It's an easy enough concept to lose the weight, to exercise, to eat right, but to actually do it is the hard part. For 25 years that's been the hard part -- DOING. But really, to imagine myself 145 lighter is really unimaginable at this point. Unlike you two, I've never seen skinny not even "healthy weight". Ever. Is this what is the mental wall for me? Has this been the blockage for me for 25 years? Diet and exercise, done it, and then I'm right back where I started -- Fat again.

I sit here typing this after I have baked a chocolate cake for no special reason -- just to bake one because it sounded good when I read it in one of my cookbooks. Yes, and I ate a big ol' slice of it -- it's covered in chocolate cream cheese frosting. And it was good. But have I exercised in the last couple days like I had planned and made my goal to do -- no. I haven't even turned on the Kinect to dance, the Wii to exercise, or walked around outside. Lazy.

How do I change this? I need support. Lots of support. Friends, family, strangers. I need someone to truly hold me accountable. A co-worker told me on Tuesday that I looked like I had lost weight. This came from a girl who had never probably seen over weight -- skinny as a rail -- really, I don't know if she has always been skinny or not that's just an assumption. But do I feel like I've lost weight? No. I don't even keep track. I haven't touched my scale in months. My cat has managed to somehow change it from pounds to kilograms -- so when I stepped on the scale to TRY to weight my self I was given this unbelieved and shocking number, and I was like "Whoa, what the crap?" and then I realized it was kg... So yeah, got to get that fixed somehow.

Back to the chocolate cake. It's not that I feel guilty for eating it -- I had to try it to see if it was good. I really just feel crappy after eating it. Too much sugar. Too much everything. 

I don't want to eat the prepackaged diet food, but to be honest, this is what was successful the last time with the addition of fresh fruits and vegetables. I'm going to have to do something to track my calories and junk.